Moments in parenting incompetence: episode 3

This NaBloPoMo thing is tough. We’ve just put Bean to bed, after closing the door behind the last of the family that joined us for D’s birthday. I desperately want to hit the couch, but I need to post something… so I’ll turn to the blogging topic where there is no shortage of material: my incompetence as a parent. These things write themselves.

Incompetence 1

1. Broccoli baby

We ate broccoli for dinner. One of my joys in life at the moment is watching Monkey eat broccoli. He LOVES it. Since his first two teeth have come in, he’s started doing this lower jaw open and close thing when he’s excited – he kind of looks like a ventriloquist’s dummy, only bald and not creepy. He sees the broccoli coming and starts working that little jaw and then seizes it in his fist and crams it into his mouth.

After dinner, he was covered from head to toe in broccoli, so I whisked him straight to the bath. Monkey also loves the bath. I washed all the broccoli bits out of his chins, his rolls, between his fingers and toes, and then let him splash around. He was so happy, so smiley. He looked up at me, doing the ventriloquist dummy thing, and kicked the drain, letting the water go out. Oh well, I thought. It was time to finish anyway. But he was so happy in there, so I let him play until the water was nearly gone. I picked him up and took him to change table to dry off, only to realize that as the water had drained out of the tub, all the broccoli bits I’d washed out had found their way back into his little rolls and folds. So, back to the bath. Only by now he was cold and tired and not so happy about it. Fail.

2. Poop-tastrophe (or poopsplosion, or a-poo-calypse, or whatever you like to call it) 

Monkey blew out of his diaper while wearing a sleeper… again. I rinsed the poop out of the sleeper, and when I was done I thought “phew, glad that’s done. Gross.” And then realized that I’d forgotten to turn the sleeper inside out and so had just rinsed all of the poop into the feet of the sleeper. Gross. The truly incompetent part though, is that this was the second time in a week I’d made the same mistake. Gross.

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2 thoughts on “Moments in parenting incompetence: episode 3

  1. You call that incompetence? Let me know when you’ve done some irreparable damage. I told my son that every time he picks his nose one of those sad puppies on the Sarah Mclauchlan commercial dies. I’m not proud.

    Like

    • Ha! It’s true, these were minor goofs. I’m sure my kids are already scarred for life through my other mistakes. I’ll have to keep the dead puppies in my back pocket (wow, that sounds wrong) for when I need an especially powerful threat.

      Liked by 1 person

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