Confessions, again

confessions

It feels good to get things off your chest, doesn’t it? Well, my online friends, it’s time for me to unburden my parenting shame onto you. To follow up on my last confessions post, here’s another collection of my bad parenting moments and habits. Enjoy!

1. At a solemn Remembrance Day ceremony with my boys, my mother, and my brother’s family, I was standing next to my three year-old niece. She sweetly put her hand in mine. I looked around, realizing that it would be easy for strangers to assume that she was my child, and that wild, loud Bean was my brother’s. I discreetly edged myself and my niece away from my brother and Bean and muttered “some people’s kids” while looking disapprovingly at them.

2. My kid eats frozen peas. Frozen. And I think he swallows them whole.

3. I’m starting to look forward to going back to work in March, because it’s easier than being a full-time mum at home.

4. I can’t remember what Bean’s first word was.

5. I sort of wish I didn’t have to get Monkey any Christmas presents. We don’t need any more toys. He has all the clothes he needs. He wouldn’t know the difference. But Bean would.

6. If you looked in my Google search history (please don’t), you would see the phrase “boarding school for toddlers.”

7. When D is home, I sometimes pretend I can’t hear Monkey crying, or Bean calling, because if he hears them first, he has to go deal with them. I call this game “good parent chicken.”

8. I really, really love it when kids who are usually well behaved are bad.

9. I swept dirt under the rug. Literally. My in-laws were coming over and instead of bothering with the dustpan I lifted up a corner of the entrance mat and swept all the debris under it. And it’s still there.

Your turn! What’s your confession?

What-my-kid-said Wednesday: kidding

D: We should drive around and see Christmas lights one of these nights.

Me: Should we go to the scary Christmas house again this year?

D: Scary? It’s not scary – it’s just… a lot of stuff.

Me: Are you kidding me? It’s where Christmas nightmares are made.*

Bean: Mummy! Daddy’s not kidding you. He’s kidding he’s self.

Me & D: (laughter)

Bean: I not kidding myself.

Me: No, you’re very serious, aren’t you?

Bean: I not serious, I a happy boy.

Me: Oh. You’re not kidding, you’re not serious, you’re happy.

Bean: Yeah. And Mummy, when I grow so big I can go in a truck.

D: It’s always about the truck in the end.

Bean: When I grow up so big I can go in Santa’s sled.

 

*Seriously it is the craziest, over-stimulating-est thing you’ve ever seen. Giant inflatables loom overhead. Lights blink everywhere.  Every inch of the property is covered with wooden cutouts and figurines of every cartoon and fictional character imaginable, dressed in Christmas garb and Santa hats (from Alf to Mickey Mouse). They whirl around on miniature ferris wheels, go back and forth on slow-motion swings, slide around ice skating rinks, all to the eery tune of tinny Christmas carols and the creaking of rusty machinery.

It begins

The kick-off to the Christmas season began tonight with our city’s Santa Claus parade.

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It was a somewhat odd collection including community groups, decorated vehicles advertising local businesses, the occasional protester, old-timey fire trucks, one sad junior high marching band, some clowns, and about a dozen sketchy-looking guys selling $10 glow sticks to the desperate parents of impatient kids. Santa himself came at the very end of the parade, after everyone was freezing. It was pretty magical for Bean, who is newly obsessed with Christmas lights and Santa and all things merry and bright.

Highlights for me:

  • A tiny, frozen gymnast unable to get out of her splits.
  • Bean narrating the entire parade with dubious accuracy from his perch on D’s shoulders. My favourite: “Look! A bear in an ambulance!” It was a dog in a police boat.
  • A fire in (or maybe beside) the bakery on the corner. Clouds of smoke started billowing towards where we were standing, and a woman walking past told us the place was on fire. We had just started to pack up when the smoke stopped, so I guess someone put it out. Excitement.
  • A mouse in pajamas. Called Pajama Mouse.

Highlights for Bean:

  • Dogs on a truck!
  • A snowman on a truck!
  • Another snowman on another truck!
  • A green Santa guy!
  • A dog with lights on him!
  • A delivery truck with a picture of strawberries and apples! (It was raspberries and peaches.)

Highlights for Monkey:

  • When I breathed on his face to warm up his little nose. He’s not much into the parades yet.

Highlights for D:

  • The end of the parade, when he got to lift Bean down from his shoulders.

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